Some Dude Reviews Movies

I didn't want to watch this film. It was an unmitigated flop upon release. It boasts a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. It look absolutely ridiculous. And yet. I was drawn to it. Like a moth to a flame. I am a fan of terrible films. I like a good, stupid actioner as much as anyone else. There is a certain amount of fun to be had in movies that give absolutely zero fucks. So, when the opportunity came to rent it for $6 on Youtube, I snatched it. I couldn't resist. I. What Is It? This is the story of Robin Hood. But... forget historical accuracy, and adherence to basic science and physics. This is Robin Hood through a bonkers, balls-to-the-wall lens. II. Let's Get the Bad Out of the Way First This film is fucking dumb. That isn't always a bad thing. Especially when the film commits to its own absurdity. If you enjoy movies that ask you to turn off your brain and your pretensions, this will be a good time. If you struggle with all that, this one m...

I never did see Nightcrawler  (2014), the first, much heralded collab between writer/director Dan Gilroy and star Jake Gylenhaal. I just never found the time for it. If it is anything like Velvet Buzzsaw  (2019), maybe I'll just give it a permanent pass. I. What Is It? This is the story of art. And people who critique art. And people who buy art. And how they all get murdered by HAUNTED art. II. Not Enough of Any Thing it Tries to Be The single greatest critique that I can muster for this film is that it is never enough of any of the things that it tries to be. And it tries to be a lot of things Is it a biting critique of the art world? Yeah, sometimes, but never enough. What does this film say about art critics? It says that they are all vainglorious assholes. As if we haven't seen these ideas presented thousands of times better before. Is it a schlock-ey B-movie romp? Yeah, sometimes, but never enough. It undermines its own sense of fun by tryi...

When a filmmaker comes out swinging with a freshman effort that slingshots them into the stratosphere, the anticipation for their sophomore effort becomes something of a make-or-break moment. Can you capture lightning in a bottle twice? Can you live up to your own hype? Jordan Peele's freshman effort, Get Out  (2017), was politically charged horror that heralded a new cinematic visionary. The world waited on tenterhooks as soon as he next feature, Us , was announced. So. Has he got it? Did he bottle the lightning a second time? (I'm going to be intentionally vague in my review, so as not to spoil the film for anyone that wants to approach it with virgin eyes) I. What Is It? This is the story of a family. This is the story of survival.  This is the story of the Wilsons, and their fight against... themselves. II. A Wonderful Cast Lupita Nyong'o is just damn good. The whole cast is, but the movie rests itself on the shoulders of her dual pe...

Sometimes movies come with such a ridiculous conceit that you have to watch them. The sheer chutzpah it takes to make a movie about THAT demands that you make time for them. There is nothing, however, quite like a ridiculous sounding movie that ends up taking itself too seriously. A movie that wants so badly to tread into "drama" territory that it forgets to have fun. That it betrays the very reason you gave it your attention in the first place.  The Meg  (2018) is one such movie. I. What Is It? This is the story of a research crew that accidentally unearths a megalodon in the South China Sea. People do stupid things. People are eaten. Etc. II. Disappointing This movie should be Fucking Dumb. But it isn't. It's just Disappointing. It's premise is patently absurd, and the marketing campaign promised us a silly monster movie romp. What we got was a shittier Jaws  (1975). The movie goes to ridiculous lengths to try to make us care about these c...

The thing I like about movies is that there is a movie for every occasion. There are serious dramas, historical epics, slasher flicks, and screwball comedies. Not every film has to be an Oscar winning affair. Sometimes all you need is fun. Tag (2018) is a giant dose of fun. I. What Is It? A group of friends have been playing the same game of tag since they were kids. They are all grown up, and one of them has never been "it." One of the friends has designs to change that. II. Fun This movie is a lot of fun. It touches on a few serious notes, but otherwise is a silly romp from beginning to end. The script is breezy and offers laughs big and small. The real joy is watching the cast play. Everyone aboard seems to be having a great time, and that energy permeates the film. The cast's chemistry immediately elevates the material. It is hard not to have a good time with them. It's always nice to see Jake Johnson get work, and Hannibal Buress is a l...

How does a film fail at every aspect of movie making? I. What Is It? This is the story of Hairy Hole, an Oslo detective, and his ex girlfriend, and her new boyfriend, and her son, and a new cop, and her father, and the killer her father was hunting, and snow men, and plot-device police laptops that record interviews, and creepy JK Simmons, and coffee beans. And... Shit. II. It Fails. At Everything This movie is two hours of my life that I will never get back. It is also a highly instructional two hours: this movie is a two-hour long master class on how NOT to make a movie. It feels like the filmmakers sat down with a great novel (and the book IS good; I have read it) and said to themselves, "how can we ruin every single thing about this?" How do you tell a story? This film doesn't do that. Between a bucketful of red herrings, coming in-media-res to character relationships (how the fuck are we supposed to understand Hairy and Rakel's relationship...

There aren't many three-hour movies that I can say are captivating from the first frame through to the credits. I have written at length how much I dislike long movies. A tight 90 minute time limit is one of the greatest gifts a film can offer its audience. But sometimes. Sometimes a film comes along that demands more.  Stanley Kubrick's 1975 epic, Barry Lyndon  is one such movie. I. What Is It? This is the story of Redmond Barry, an Irish scoundrel who scratches his way to the British aristocracy in the 18th century. Along the way there are duels, card games, military press-gangings, spy work, romance, tragedy, and familial strife. II. Painterly... Like, Literally "Painterly" is a word often used to describe how pretty or beautiful something is. I have used it in the past, too. In this case, the word is extra apropos: you see, Stanley Kubrick utilized paintings from the period to inspire the look and feel of Barry Lyndon . He arranges images ...