Some Dude Reviews Movies

I didn't want to watch this film. It was an unmitigated flop upon release. It boasts a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. It look absolutely ridiculous. And yet. I was drawn to it. Like a moth to a flame. I am a fan of terrible films. I like a good, stupid actioner as much as anyone else. There is a certain amount of fun to be had in movies that give absolutely zero fucks. So, when the opportunity came to rent it for $6 on Youtube, I snatched it. I couldn't resist. I. What Is It? This is the story of Robin Hood. But... forget historical accuracy, and adherence to basic science and physics. This is Robin Hood through a bonkers, balls-to-the-wall lens. II. Let's Get the Bad Out of the Way First This film is fucking dumb. That isn't always a bad thing. Especially when the film commits to its own absurdity. If you enjoy movies that ask you to turn off your brain and your pretensions, this will be a good time. If you struggle with all that, this one m

I never did see Nightcrawler  (2014), the first, much heralded collab between writer/director Dan Gilroy and star Jake Gylenhaal. I just never found the time for it. If it is anything like Velvet Buzzsaw  (2019), maybe I'll just give it a permanent pass. I. What Is It? This is the story of art. And people who critique art. And people who buy art. And how they all get murdered by HAUNTED art. II. Not Enough of Any Thing it Tries to Be The single greatest critique that I can muster for this film is that it is never enough of any of the things that it tries to be. And it tries to be a lot of things Is it a biting critique of the art world? Yeah, sometimes, but never enough. What does this film say about art critics? It says that they are all vainglorious assholes. As if we haven't seen these ideas presented thousands of times better before. Is it a schlock-ey B-movie romp? Yeah, sometimes, but never enough. It undermines its own sense of fun by tryin

When a filmmaker comes out swinging with a freshman effort that slingshots them into the stratosphere, the anticipation for their sophomore effort becomes something of a make-or-break moment. Can you capture lightning in a bottle twice? Can you live up to your own hype? Jordan Peele's freshman effort, Get Out  (2017), was politically charged horror that heralded a new cinematic visionary. The world waited on tenterhooks as soon as he next feature, Us , was announced. So. Has he got it? Did he bottle the lightning a second time? (I'm going to be intentionally vague in my review, so as not to spoil the film for anyone that wants to approach it with virgin eyes) I. What Is It? This is the story of a family. This is the story of survival.  This is the story of the Wilsons, and their fight against... themselves. II. A Wonderful Cast Lupita Nyong'o is just damn good. The whole cast is, but the movie rests itself on the shoulders of her dual pe

Sometimes movies come with such a ridiculous conceit that you have to watch them. The sheer chutzpah it takes to make a movie about THAT demands that you make time for them. There is nothing, however, quite like a ridiculous sounding movie that ends up taking itself too seriously. A movie that wants so badly to tread into "drama" territory that it forgets to have fun. That it betrays the very reason you gave it your attention in the first place.  The Meg  (2018) is one such movie. I. What Is It? This is the story of a research crew that accidentally unearths a megalodon in the South China Sea. People do stupid things. People are eaten. Etc. II. Disappointing This movie should be Fucking Dumb. But it isn't. It's just Disappointing. It's premise is patently absurd, and the marketing campaign promised us a silly monster movie romp. What we got was a shittier Jaws  (1975). The movie goes to ridiculous lengths to try to make us care about these c

The thing I like about movies is that there is a movie for every occasion. There are serious dramas, historical epics, slasher flicks, and screwball comedies. Not every film has to be an Oscar winning affair. Sometimes all you need is fun. Tag (2018) is a giant dose of fun. I. What Is It? A group of friends have been playing the same game of tag since they were kids. They are all grown up, and one of them has never been "it." One of the friends has designs to change that. II. Fun This movie is a lot of fun. It touches on a few serious notes, but otherwise is a silly romp from beginning to end. The script is breezy and offers laughs big and small. The real joy is watching the cast play. Everyone aboard seems to be having a great time, and that energy permeates the film. The cast's chemistry immediately elevates the material. It is hard not to have a good time with them. It's always nice to see Jake Johnson get work, and Hannibal Buress is a l

How does a film fail at every aspect of movie making? I. What Is It? This is the story of Hairy Hole, an Oslo detective, and his ex girlfriend, and her new boyfriend, and her son, and a new cop, and her father, and the killer her father was hunting, and snow men, and plot-device police laptops that record interviews, and creepy JK Simmons, and coffee beans. And... Shit. II. It Fails. At Everything This movie is two hours of my life that I will never get back. It is also a highly instructional two hours: this movie is a two-hour long master class on how NOT to make a movie. It feels like the filmmakers sat down with a great novel (and the book IS good; I have read it) and said to themselves, "how can we ruin every single thing about this?" How do you tell a story? This film doesn't do that. Between a bucketful of red herrings, coming in-media-res to character relationships (how the fuck are we supposed to understand Hairy and Rakel's relationship

There aren't many three-hour movies that I can say are captivating from the first frame through to the credits. I have written at length how much I dislike long movies. A tight 90 minute time limit is one of the greatest gifts a film can offer its audience. But sometimes. Sometimes a film comes along that demands more.  Stanley Kubrick's 1975 epic, Barry Lyndon  is one such movie. I. What Is It? This is the story of Redmond Barry, an Irish scoundrel who scratches his way to the British aristocracy in the 18th century. Along the way there are duels, card games, military press-gangings, spy work, romance, tragedy, and familial strife. II. Painterly... Like, Literally "Painterly" is a word often used to describe how pretty or beautiful something is. I have used it in the past, too. In this case, the word is extra apropos: you see, Stanley Kubrick utilized paintings from the period to inspire the look and feel of Barry Lyndon . He arranges images

Have you ever wondered where Quentin Tarantino got his signature style? Are you, like me, a super fan of his two-part masterpiece, Kill Bill ?  Well, it's about time you watched one of Seijun Suzuki's films. Because I did, for the first time, and I was shocked at how fresh, immediate and vital a film from 1966 felt. I. What Is It? This is the story of Phoenix Tetsu, the right hand of a yakuza boss trying to go clean. When things get too hot in Tokyo, Tetsu goes on the road. But the most dangerous men from Tokyo's underworld come hunting after him. II. Style Over Substance, but Such Style On paper, this movie is fairly basic. The story is a kind of ho-hum yakuza tough trying to make good story. The dialogue is ham-fisted and simple. The performances are cool-as-a-cucumber laid back anime caricatures. But Seijun Suzuki injects a simple formula with a hotshot of style and verve. His camera is dynamic, his shot comp lively, and his use of larger-tha

I am a Paddington fan. The duology of films is pleasant, inspiring, and fun. A line has been drawn. I'm a Paddington guy. So you can imagine my irritation when Disney announced that they were jumping feet first into the highly profitable world of CGI British bears. You can imagine my further annoyance when 2018's Christopher Robin  began receiving highly positive reviews. My pettiness kept me from seeing it in theaters, but it recently popped up on my Netflix queue, and I decided to give it a go. I. What Is It? This is the story of Christopher Robin (Ewan McGregor), but not the boyhood Christopher Robin that adventured with his stuffed bear, Pooh (Jim Cummings). No, this is the all growed-up Christpher Robin, with a wife, and a daughter, and a soul-crushing corporate job and responsibilities. And no time to play. II. This Is Two-Thirds Great The first two acts of this movie blew my mind. This was not a child-friendly romp through the forest with cutesy an

The MCU is a pop culture powerhouse. Is anyone really just NOT going to see the next installment in their long-running, insanely lucrative series? Probably not. But it is good form to approach every new thing with a critical eye. Marvel has been so successful churning out cinematic hits that one has to wonder when they are going to fall on their face? Sure, there have been Less-Thans (looking at you, Thor 1 and 2), but I'm not entirely sure that Marvel has sent an outright terrible film to multiplexes. It has taken Marvel far too long to get to the Strong Female Lead party. Wonder Woman (2017) may have been a so-so movie, but it had a powerful message with some powerful imagery, and marked the arrival of the super-powered female lead. With Captain Marvel  (2019), the MCU has finally shown up. Yes, people are going to see it. It has already, reportedly, made a boatload of cash.  But is it any good?  I. What Is It? This is the story of Vers, a Kree warrior,

Alfonso Cuaron is one of my favorite filmmakers working today. Hell, he's one of my favorite filmmakers, period. His films are beautiful: his work ranges from Harry Potter to post-apocalyptic sci-fi to a slice-of-life road trip. He is a keen storyteller, and has made some of the finest films on the market. I own a subscription to Netflix. Cuaron is one of my favorites. It should not have taken me this long to sit down and watch Roma (2018). But the movie always looked heavy. It looked like a film that you don't just sit and watch. And, to be fair, I was right. But I sat down and watched it, anyway. I. What Is It? Roma  is the story of a live-in house maid, Cleo, and the family she serves, in the Colonia Roma neighborhood of Mexico City. It is a story about the search for, separation from and creation of family. II. A Singular Vision Cuaron wrote the screenplay, directed the film, did the cinematography, and edited the damn thing (that last with the he

I've seen Yorgos Lanthimos' film, The Lobster (2015), and really enjoyed it. It had a unique blend of absurdist humor and deep-seated tragedy. I missed his The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017), but heard wonderful reviews. I've been a fan of Olivia Colman since I saw her pop up in British sketch comedy shows years ago. Tracking her career has been a treat: her comedic chops have served her well and sharpened her more dramatic work. When Colman took the Best Leading Actress statue at the Oscars last weekend, for her role as Queen Anne in Lanthimos'  The Favourite , I decided that I should really carve out some time to go and see it. Lo and behold, it started playing in town (probably exactly because of that Oscar win). So off we went, the wife and I, to see The Favourite . I. What Is It? This is the story of Queen Anne and her favorite, Lady Sara of Marlborough. Sara is the power behind the throne: Anne is a broken, sickly woman, ill-suited to