So, one night, with nothing else to do, we tuned it up to find out which way the wind was gonna blow.
I. What Is It?
This is the story of a kid and a cop on a wild ride through Detroit's seedy underbelly. And that description is actually more nuanced than this entire movie.II. Just Because
None of the "characters" in this movie make realistic choices. They make choices just because. Why is a white cop dating a single black mother? Well, just because it would be kinda funny, ya know? Why doesn't a grade school teacher expell a student for sexually harassing her? Well, because. Why does a criminal in possession of video evidence of a murder he helped commit not immediately delete that video? Well, because. Why doesn't the cop who originally possessed that video evidence, and who is now being set-up for that murder, immediately upload that video evidence to social media to clear his name? Well, because.
Because if the "characters" acted in any other way, the movie would immediately stop working. Because some dude is writing this movie. You can always tell a poorly written script when the plot propels onward not because of character beats or stakes, but because the plot just needs to move. In Coffee & Kareem, the plot barrels forward just because, hoping you'll be too busy laughing it up to notice how contrived it all is.
The problem is? This movie isn't terribly funny.
Kareem (played here by Terrence Little Gardenhigh) is also incredibly unlikable. He is a little shit: he harasses his teacher, frequently says disgusting things, delivers a ridiculously explicit "class project," frequently accuses Coffee of attempting to rape him, and treats his mother like shit. The "Crazy Kid" story beat really only works when the kid is likable. And Kareem is not. Like, fuck this kid.
Lastly, this movie feels spotty and incomplete. At 88 minutes, the movie firmly sits in my Maximum Movie Comfort Zone, but it has sacrificed character nuance and plot cohesion in the name of brevity. Giving the film even five more minutes (ten, at the outside) would have kept the runtime down but afforded the film ample opportunity to flesh out its world and characters and string together the story beats in a neater fashion.
So there you have it: a movie that squanders all of its promise, from its cool premise to its ensemble of strong character actors.
- Don't.Because if the "characters" acted in any other way, the movie would immediately stop working. Because some dude is writing this movie. You can always tell a poorly written script when the plot propels onward not because of character beats or stakes, but because the plot just needs to move. In Coffee & Kareem, the plot barrels forward just because, hoping you'll be too busy laughing it up to notice how contrived it all is.
The problem is? This movie isn't terribly funny.
III. Vacant
This movie is vacant of a lot of things, but the two greatest sins it commits are lacking laughs and refusing to take any kind of stance or have any kind of ideas or perspective about anything in its runtime.
Don't get me wrong, this movie is full of jokes. It's got dick jokes, and homophobic jokes, and guys getting shot in the ass, and child-rape jokes, and racial jokes, and idiot cop jokes. The problem is that all of these jokes are terribly unfunny. It all just feels so juvenile. And not in the fun way. In the way you wish the damn thing would just grow up, already.
The other issue is that the movie refuses to give any of its ideas any depth, if it can be said to have ideas in the first place. There is, baked into the concept, an opportunity to comment on race relations, but this movie decided to wring that towel for some good-ole fashioned low-hanging-fruit jokes, instead. There is an opportunity to really talk about police corruption in communities of color. But, again, this movie settles for some shitty jokes. There is even an interesting opportunity to discuss how an abject boob, like Coffee (played by Ed Helms, doing his damnedest), makes it on the police force and keeps his job. He is terrible at his job and should not be a police officer. But. The plot needs him, so, he definitely becomes a badass hero in the end.
The wacky irreverence of saying the "F-word" a lot and making off-color jokes really only works when those jokes are in service to some kind of message or grander idea. Otherwise it's kind of like looking at a baby sitting in its own shit: it's just kind of gross and you want to clean it up.
Don't get me wrong, this movie is full of jokes. It's got dick jokes, and homophobic jokes, and guys getting shot in the ass, and child-rape jokes, and racial jokes, and idiot cop jokes. The problem is that all of these jokes are terribly unfunny. It all just feels so juvenile. And not in the fun way. In the way you wish the damn thing would just grow up, already.
The other issue is that the movie refuses to give any of its ideas any depth, if it can be said to have ideas in the first place. There is, baked into the concept, an opportunity to comment on race relations, but this movie decided to wring that towel for some good-ole fashioned low-hanging-fruit jokes, instead. There is an opportunity to really talk about police corruption in communities of color. But, again, this movie settles for some shitty jokes. There is even an interesting opportunity to discuss how an abject boob, like Coffee (played by Ed Helms, doing his damnedest), makes it on the police force and keeps his job. He is terrible at his job and should not be a police officer. But. The plot needs him, so, he definitely becomes a badass hero in the end.
The wacky irreverence of saying the "F-word" a lot and making off-color jokes really only works when those jokes are in service to some kind of message or grander idea. Otherwise it's kind of like looking at a baby sitting in its own shit: it's just kind of gross and you want to clean it up.
IV. A Good Idea, Wasted
It's a shame, because the central conceit of this movie, a white cop and an audacious African American kid teaming up to tackle crime has a lot of potential. It's just sad that the movie completely bungles that set up. Ed Helms is excellent, and normally wears this role wonderfully: and, try as he might, he can't save this movie. Betty Gilpin is wonderful, and has a proven track record of exquisite comic timing, but even her big-dick energy can't pull this movie out of the trash. Don't even get me started on Taraji P. Henson. What a damn waste.Kareem (played here by Terrence Little Gardenhigh) is also incredibly unlikable. He is a little shit: he harasses his teacher, frequently says disgusting things, delivers a ridiculously explicit "class project," frequently accuses Coffee of attempting to rape him, and treats his mother like shit. The "Crazy Kid" story beat really only works when the kid is likable. And Kareem is not. Like, fuck this kid.
Lastly, this movie feels spotty and incomplete. At 88 minutes, the movie firmly sits in my Maximum Movie Comfort Zone, but it has sacrificed character nuance and plot cohesion in the name of brevity. Giving the film even five more minutes (ten, at the outside) would have kept the runtime down but afforded the film ample opportunity to flesh out its world and characters and string together the story beats in a neater fashion.
So there you have it: a movie that squanders all of its promise, from its cool premise to its ensemble of strong character actors.
Why You Should See It
Why You Shouldn't See It
- The film features flimsy characters with even flimsier motivations, freewheeling from contrivance to contrivance, managing, somehow, in 88 minutes, to make as little sense as possible.
- It is a good idea... that is absolutely bungled.
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