Detective Pikachu (2019)

The Pokemon franchise, in all of its various forms, has had a huge impact on my life. I remember buying Blue Version some 21 years ago at a Circuit City. I watched the anime every morning before school. I spent every last cent of my allowance money on booster packs for the card game, and even trekked to the mall to try and defeat a gym-leader with my ill-conceived deck. I ate inordinate amounts of Burger King food in order to obtain a Mew promotional card. I downloaded a ROM in college to play and replay games in between finals. I giddily walked around my apartment complex, trying to catch monsters, when Pokemon Go was released. I love and have loved this series.

I said all of that to say this: Detective Pikachu (2019) is a bad movie and it hurt my heart.

I. What Is It?

This is the story of a kid whose name I can't remember trying to find his missing father... blah blah blah Mewtwo blah blah blah Ryan Reynolds.

II. Momentarily Breathtaking

The opening minutes of this movie (before the plot actually started happening, or the main characters showed up to disappoint me) were actually, legitimately breathtaking. The film posits a world where pokemon and humans exist side by side. And it was incredible. I was 12 years old again. There was a Snorlax, snoozing in the middle of the road. There was a crew of Squirtles, aiding fire fighters. There was a Machamp directing traffic. It was everything I dreamed it would be. I was suddenly very excited for this movie.

And then the movie actually got going.

III. Simultaneously Too Simple and Far Too Complex

This movie tries, really fucking hard, to over-complicate such a simple goddamned story. If you want to tell a neo-noir with pokemon, double down and tell that epic two-hour story; explore the complicated emotional bond of a pokemon and its trainer, and maybe tell a story about animal abuse (a theme that could very well resonate in our modern world). If you want a breezy, unchallenging 80-minute kids movie, write that movie; give us a story of a brave young kid who goes out with his animal friends and tries to conquer the world. But you can't have it both ways. Those two ideas are antithetical to one another, and it would take a Herculean feat of storytelling to make both of those ideas gel together.

The writers of this film are no Hercules.

Good movies take a stand. Good kids movies are often allegorical; they use childish trappings to explore complex moral ideas. Detective Pikachu feels like a movie that doesn't want to offend anyone. And in service of that goal, the plot is defanged, which robs the film of any real emotional resonance because the film telegraphs and pulls its punches for its entire runtime. Bill Nighy is OBVIOUSLY the bad guy; I mean, he plays bad guys in EVERYTHING. Ryan Reynolds is OBVIOUSLY the kid's dad; the film bends over backward to NEVER show us his face, and the hackneyed soul-transfer bullshit at the end made me physically recoil in disgust. That underground Pokemon fight club? It exists as a set piece to allow Pikachu and Charizard to fight, all the while skirting the uncomfortable parallels of illegal cockfighting. Can you imagine a movie that really explored the ways humans abuse their pokemon? When Nighy's character swaps consciousnesses with Mewtwo, the movie seems poised to explore some serious ethical quandaries. But, nah. The filmmakers of this movie have no desire to tell those kinds of stories. Even if they want to APPEAR to be telling those kinds of stories. And you know what? You don't fool me. I hate it when a movie tries, badly, to insult my intelligence.

And so all of the story's twists fizzle and flop.

What you are left with is a sense of disappointment. The story is hamhanded and obvious while it goes to great lengths to try to be sincere and subtle. As a complicated, nuanced story that both kids and adults can enjoy, the movie falls on its face. As a simple kids romp, the movie stutters and undermines its own momentum. Yes, the world building is great. But the story being told in that world doesn't make any sense, and it is hard to believe that anyone older than a 12 year old could possibly be well and truly entertained by this piece of neon-colored sugary-sweet fluff.

IV. Good CGI/Bad CGI

The animation of Pikachu is great. There are moments where the furry electric mouse looks real.

And the rest of the pokemon look like shit. You can actually see the budget limitations and triage at work: the crew spends a lot of time making the pokemon we spend time with look great, and obviously ran out of money on everything else.

Why You Should See It

- Are you a masochist? If emotionally being punched in the dick sounds like a good time, run out and find this movie.

Why You Shouldn't See It

- This movie is 94 minutes long, and it felt longer than The Irishman (2019).
- It fails on just about every level: the writing is atrocious; the acting is bad; the CGI is both really good and absolutely laughable.
- It is completely unmemorable, which is, actually, kind of a good thing. I am, even now, struggling to remember the movie I watched mere days ago.

In Conclusion

I really wanted to like this movie. I didn't. And I don't know that the movie has real legs to stand on. It feels like the kind of movie that you'd enjoy as a young person that embarrasses you when you get older: wait, I was a fan of THAT?

The good news is that I only spent $15 dollars on it at Target: thank you, Black Friday deals. As that is technically LESS money than I would have spent had I bought two tickets to see it in theaters (with my wife), I'll call that a victory.

But also: I can't get those fifteen dollars back. Jeez.

Miscellany

- Nah, none of this.